also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
