i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
