wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
