Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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