I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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