did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
