4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
