oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
