people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
