Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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