someone get that fucking seahorse.
Buhtt sex?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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