Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
