So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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