Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
