Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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