"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
