how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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