apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You are the jesus of drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
