Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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