On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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