do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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