Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
