Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
