She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
