It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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