I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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