So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
