If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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