you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
