census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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