VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
