Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
