My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's never too late to be topless.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
