Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize