Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
