too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize