Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
