feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
