Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
