I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
