I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
