im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize