DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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