It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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