you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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