She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
