I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
