No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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