Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
