My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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