She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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