RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
