Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
