I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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