After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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