I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
