i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
