I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
