shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize