apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
