I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
