Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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