So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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