Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
