oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
