I am in a vortex of obligation.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
