Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize