is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
