i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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