2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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