you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
