then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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